420 ftw
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
