"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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