i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I look excited, but its just a facade.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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