My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
