Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
