You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
