I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
