I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
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