remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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