he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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