i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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