Yo dont text me then not text me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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