He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
