So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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