you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
