It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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