I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
