is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
