im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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