singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
