bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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