Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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