she woke up with a sticky ear
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize