wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
