At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
