i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
