I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
They took my balls.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
