did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
