I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
