i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Randomize
