God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
