my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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