The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
