Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
