cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize