I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
and you fell through a lawn chair
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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