I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
