I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
