I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Quick, to the slutcave!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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