Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
