Pappa wants mamma naked
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize