the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
