I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
