I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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