he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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