Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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