I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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