i may or may not be watching the land before time
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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