please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
