what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
