i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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