this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
