oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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