I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
i think my cat just said my name.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
