I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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