It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
