Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
