I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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