i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm sobbing to NWA
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
