do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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