Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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