You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
