I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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