yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
